Plotting your Life like a Novel

So you know to whom, and when, to say No (or Yes)

According to Diana Vreeland “Elegance is refusal”, but she was talking about fashion. Or was she?

There is clearly an art to saying “NO”, and it is rumored that the French have it down cold. But it’s really not that simple… or, is it?

This morning Valerie Rivera and I had a phone date… to talk about “Non”. I know that seems like a fairly limited topic, but it wasn’t. In fact, it was revealing to both of us in a surprising way. Valerie rather casually said “What is my mission?” To which we both admitted that having changed countries about a year ago, whatever our respective missions were that empowered that move, our mission had, in fact, changed. And not a little.

Why does this matter, you might ask. It matters a lot if the pursuit of something creative is nipping at your heals and the only excuse you can give yourself for not surrendering to that beast is lack of time. Yup, time.

We all have the same 24 hours in a day, yet some folks are much better at how they use it than others. Why is that? It’s easy to blame it on ADD, or business demands, or what ever it is you choose to prop up between you and “the thing” which is your heart’s desire. The “Thing”, that when you think of it feels like joy. Makes you giddy.

Missions announce themselves. They seem to choose us, what ever they are. They do not promise fame or fortune but, if we pursue them, they do promise an interesting life. Shouldn’t that be enough to chase it with abandon?

Monetizing isn’t everything; it’s certainly not a reason, or “The Thing”. “The Thing” is unique and it is only yours. Plus, it will haunt you for your entire life (and possibly beyond) if you don’t take the time needed to bring it to life.

How do we find the time to examine this Mission? First you have to admit to yourself that you have one… and you’re kind of obsessed by the whole idea of “it”. That you really do want to explore “the thing”, and more importantly, to see where it leads you. This makes you the protagonist of your own novel. Kind of exciting, right?

Not so fast…

No matter what book we happen to be reading, the protagonist is seeking something or someone. In fact, the entire novel is built around this quest. And, while there are always detours or delays, it’s not because the main character couldn’t refuse a dinner invitation (unless having dinner with people is the story) or because an endless stream of 3rd / 4th tier extras want to go have aperos, or lunch, or generally squander the day. In a well written novel these detour moments only happen if they move the story forward, if they don’t, they are edited out. The same should be true with our own lives. We need to apply the same ruthless editing techniques to our day to day schedule, which is not as easy as it sounds. I do know this.

I shared with Valerie Rivera a personal writing project that I’ve been working on for a few months. How working on that had taken me away from posting regularly on Substack because I was afraid it would distract me from “the thing”. I also told her about a fabulous article I’d read a couple of days ago by a woman author (I would link to the article but can’t find it) who’s book had been rejected. Crushed, she turned to Substack where she had 26 subscribers. She vowed (to herself) to post something personal that mattered to her every week for one year. This post was a summary of the outcome of that year. Inspiring. Why? Because in that year she created the life she had dreamt of and aspired to, simply by honoring the commitment she made to herself.

Why is that so hard?

First of all, many of us don’t recognize that WE are the stars of our own movies. WE are the heroes of our book. More importantly, not embracing that truth means we are taking a supporting role in the trajectory of our lives.

I’m certainly not suggesting that anyone reading this become a selfish monster in the pursuit of artistic excellence. What I am suggesting is that we all, myself included, honor the commitments that we make to ourselves around “the thing” that gives us joy. Go after it like a dog chases a ball. Chase it like a cat after a fly. Sure, you’ll wobble like toddler learning to walk, so what!

Learn to say no nicely, without explaining, but say no to the distractions that do not move your life forward. Say yes to “the thing”.

And please… let me know how that works for you: Identifying “The Thing”. Naming your mission. Where does it challenge you? How does it feel when you honor yourself?

We are in this together! Onward!